Poker, Philosophy, Music, and Life

Anyone who's seen Leon--The Professional (great movie!) probably remembers the scene at the end of the movie with Matilda (Natalie Portman) at Leon's grave with the camera panning skyward while this song is playing... I've been reminded of it because of all the poker that is being shown on TV right now with the World Series of Poker, and just because I am a Sting/Police fan. I can even kind of play it on guitar (hey, I'm a bass player!) Here is the link to an acoustic version of the song and the lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=037uSAIahho&feature=related

Shape of My Heart
He deals the cards as a meditation
And those he plays never suspect
He doesn't play for the money he wins
He doesn't play for respect
He deals the cards to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden law of probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance
I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades
I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape, the shape of my heart
And if I told you that I loved you
You'd maybe think there's something wrong I'm not a man of too many faces
The mask I wear is one
Those who speak know nothing
And find out to their cost Like those who curse their luck in too many places
And those who fear are lost
I know that the spades are the swords of a soldierI know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape, that's not the shape of my heart

The song is a brilliant metaphor, paired with a great guitar melody. I can relate--on the surface as someone who likes to play cards, but beyond that as someone who is introspective and hard to read who doesn't express their emotions easily. The man wants to let down his mask, and reveal himself, but is afraid to. How sad is it to tell someone that you love them and they would first think that something is wrong? Also, he condemns "those that curse their luck in too many places, and those who fear are lost". He is trying to make sense of life through the geometry of chance of a card game. Is it luck, or is there some law that governs how the cards are dealt? How life unfolds... Does the gambler in the song ever find the answer? You can tell from the video of Sting singing that he can really relate to his lyrics. Most songs on the radio today are all about the hook that they want to get stuck in your head. Yeah its catchy, but its like reality TV, most is just filler. Here today gone tomorrow. Sometimes you have to spend the time to study music, lyrics, or any other piece of art, to really appreciate it. Good music will pass the test of time.

Anyway, back to poker for a second. 3 years ago I played a $33 online Poker Stars.com tournament--I ended up winning it which got me into a $370 tournament that had over 8000 people enter. The top 200 people would win $12,000 for entry into the main event ($10,000) and the extra $2k for expenses. To put this in perspective, the main event only has about 6500 people every year. So to make a long story short, I made it to the top 200 and won the package. I turned 30 bucks into $12,000! I played for 12 hours at my damn computer, while thousands of others were eliminated, waiting for the agonizing bubble to burst and for me to survive as one of the shorter stacks. I can still remember vividly screaming in excitement and running up the stairs to my ex and her cousin who had just walked into the house.

Because of a law for online poker that had just been passed the year before, they couldn't enter people directly into the main event like I thought was going to happen. Instead, they gave me the lump sum and it was up to me to enter myself in the tourney or just keep the money. After a long debate I finally decided to just keep the money. I went out to Vegas with a cashiers check written for $10,000 to watch my dad play the Senior Event and to make a decision on the tournament, but I couldn't bring myself to drop that much cash, knowing that 90% of the people that enter a tournament LOSE. There were extra perks if you played, like Poker Stars throwing in another $1000 if you wore their shirt and hat. There was also a big party I was invited to that Poker Stars was hosting, and other big perks if you ended up on TV or lasted long into the tournament. Now that online poker has been shut down here in the US, I kind of wish I would have just gone through with it. Who knows what would have transpired, but I can't complain that I didn't blow $10k!

A lot of people know that story, but most people don't know that 2-3 weeks later, I took a crack at the Sunday Main Event on Poker Stars, a $200 online tournament which regularly had 7500-8000 people--including all the Poker Stars pros you see on TV. I outlasted most of the field and was 4th in chips with only 70 people to go! There were a lot of people in the chat rooms watching my table commenting on every hand. It was exciting. The tournament chip leader was at my table. He had a massive chip stack, so he should have been the only person I didn't want to get into pots with since he was the only one who could eliminate me from the tournament. Whoops... I flopped top two pair against him, defending a raise in the big blind (sorry if this poker jargon gets lost on some of you). I check raised him, but not too much for him to call my raise. The next card gave him a straight--he called my raise only being able to hit one card for a straight and he got it. He had a 1 in 13 chance to catch his card and he did. I put him on a lower two pair hand and went all in, and he called and knocked me out of the tournament. With his now massive chip stack, he ended up winning the tournament and the $175,000 first place prize. If I win the pot, I'm in first place and then who knows... But surprisingly, I wasn't that upset at the time, because I felt like I would get another chance to win it. It seemed like easy money. Plus i loved the competition and analytical aspects of the game, so I immersed myself in poker books and started playing more and more online. I played that tourney a handful of more times, but never made it close like that again.

Over time, I slowly realized that I wasn't as good as I thought and I still had a lot to learn. Eventually i started playing less and less online and then had completely stopped, focusing on other interests. Not that I still don't like to play poker, but there was more to life than chasing that dream. I was like the man in the song, focused on the game so much that I was losing in other ways. I shouldn't curse my luck for that card, because everyone gets dealt their share of good cards and bad cards in life. But what is the logic behind it? Maybe it was a good thing that I didn't win that hand, to learn a little humility and to not stray too far from the right path. I can realize that now, but it took a lot of time for me to see that silver lining. I'm anxious to see how the cards continue to reveal themselves.